Buyer Beware

I've learned my lesson.

If I'm going to drive on New York City's toll roads from now on, I'll make sure I have cash with me.

Why?

Let's rewind the clock to last Thursday afternoon. I'm driving from the girlfriend's house to work when I get a flat tire. I had just passed through the toll booths (thanks to EZPass) on the Verrazano Bridge and wasn't even a mile or so deep on the Staten Island Expressway West before I realized my driver's side rear tire was flat.

Great. I'm going to be late for work and covering the high school all-star basketball game.

I called Geico's emergency road side service to come get me. After 10 minutes on the phone and the Geico representative taking my information, the woman puts me on hold. When she comes back....she drops this gem on me.

Geico representative: Sir. I'm very sorry but the Staten Island Expressway is a restricted road and we can't tow you off it. When you get towed, just save receipt and send it into us. We'll reimburse you for it.

spchrist: You're friggin' kidding me right?

Geico representative: No. Sir.

spchrist: (LONG SIGH). Great. What's the name and number of the tow company that can get me?

So, the State Island Towing Service, Inc., has a complete monopoly on towing services on the Staten Island Expressway. I was about to call them when I realized I had about $30 in my account that I could spend and surely these mofos were about to rake me over the coals for a simple service.

I dialed the girlfriend's work number and asked her if I could borrow $110 and told her that I would pay her back tomorrow. She said fine and would go to the bank and deposit it into my account as soon as she could.

I hadn't even hung up the phone with the girlfriend before a Staten Island Towing Serivce tow truck driver stops in front of me and starts backing up. He jumps out the truck and starts grabbing his equipment to hook my car up. I rolled down the window.

spchrist: Whoa....easy fella. I don't have the cash right now to pay you.

tow truck driver: Well...let me get you hooked up and off the road and we can work out the payment thing later. (He starts lower the device on his truck).

spchrist: Umm. My man. I just said I don't have the money right now. I'm waiting for my girlfriend to put it in my account. You're gonna have to chill till i actually know if i have loot to pay you. By the way, who the hell called you anyways? Because I didnt call you.

tow truck driver: A New York City cop did. He saw you in the breakdown lane and called us. Besides, you can't stay on this road with a disabled car. It is almost rush hour and you can't be holding up traffic. If the cop comes by and sees you still here, he's going to write you a ticket.

(It was about 4:10 p.m. and traffic was getting heavy. However, I was parked in the breakdown lane with a safe enough distance from oncoming traffic.)

spchrist: Is that so? (Giving him the lying mother#$%^& look). At this moment, I realized I still hadn't replaced my broken jack and the longer i delayed this the later I would be for work...so there was no way I could change the tire myself and avoid this mother#$%^&*. I told him to go ahead and tow me off the road.

He hooks up my car. He tows me off the State Island Expressway to the nearest gas station.

My girlfriend still wasn't free from work yet to go to the bank and homey is starting to get annoyed with me. Every two minutes, he's yelling at me to call my girlfriend back and see if the money is there. I called my girlfriend each time (to prove to him that I wasn't trying to scam him) and now she's getting annoyed with me. Finally, after about 20 minutes of sitting in a truck with a heavy smoker, the money is in my account. I jump out the truck and go use the gas station's ATM. I come back with $100 ($80 for the tow, $20 for changing the tire). I give it to the driver and before the money is completely out my hand, he starts driving off and nearly rips my arm off through the window. I bang on the door hard with my other hand after he like drags me 10 feet. I grabbed my cell phone, car keys and backpack from his seat and then slam the door like I was trying to shatter the glass. I shot him the "I wish you would try that #$%^ again look and he drove off and left a cloud of smoke where his truck once stood.

I got off cheaply (or so he was telling me) with the $100. He was trying to charge me like $100 for the tow plus $0.50 for each mile that he towed me. On top of that, he wanted like $40 for changing the tire. I talked him down to the "Ben Franklin note" and told him that was all he was going to get because that was all i could spare. I had to save some money for gas.

The next day, I paid my girlfriend back and today I ordered flowers and will have them delivered to her job.