Level of Expectation....

After only one date....

That's the key phrase here.

Apparently, I missed the entry in the playbook because two recent situations had me scratching my head.

Situation #1

I had dinner with an older woman (she was 31 and I'm 28) at a nice soul food restaurant in New Jersey. When the check came...I motioned for the waitress to put the check on my side of the table. When the waitress put the check down, I took a glance at the bill and reached for my wallet to pay. My date grabbed my arm and said "I'll get it." I asked her if she was sure, she said "Yes. I got it." I'm not the one to fight over the check with anyone...so I let her have her way. Afterwards, I walked her to her car and said goodnight with a nice passionate hug.

Remember: first date.

So, we talk a couple days later and she suddenly drops the following question into the conversation: "So, where is this going?" I'm like "to the second date." She thought I was making a joke. I wasn't. I thought she was making a joke. She wasn't. I'm talking about a second date...she's talking about a relationship. WTF? I've known you for all of two hours and you're already mapping out our future together. Not a good look. After an uncomfortable silence, I said "Well, I like you. I had a great time at dinner and I said I want to see you again. Let's make this happen." She was like "Oh sure. Yeah we can do that." She said that last phrase is such an unconvincing voice that I knew some drama was ahead.

Remember: first date.

So, she agrees to go see a movie for date #2, her suggestion by the way. However, she e-mails me the following Tuesday and says that she can't make Saturday night's date. No real explanation beyond I can't come. So, I call Wednesday morning to see if she's alright and try to get a real explanation of why she's canceling without a reason. No such luck and now I'm even more confused on the patchwork answer that she gave me. So, I make other plans for Saturday night before the end of that Wednesday. She e-mails me back Friday and says that she can make it now and wants to go out now. I'm like WTF is wrong with you? I told her that I already made other plans when she flaked on me. I thought that was the end of it. Not even close. She called me Friday night and left a voicemail stating that she's going to the movie theater at the time we agreed up on Saturday night. I listened to the voicemail and said WTF? I didn't call her back. She texts me early Saturday afternoon to ask if we are still going to the movies? I didn't return her text. She called me later that evening and left another voicemail stating that she's getting dressed to meet me at the movie theater regardless if I show up or not...but she would love it if I did. At this point, I'm thinking Lynn Whitfield and a "Thin Line between Love and Hate." I saved the voicemail and called my boy and played it for him. We both got a good laugh about it and he said "I hope you didn't give her your home address." Nah. "I'm not that stupid." She kept calling, e-mailing and texting for like another week and mercifully she stopped.

Maybe, her fingers were broken....but seriously what level of expectation was she assuming after only ONE DATE?

Situation #2

We are supposed to meet up for drinks at a Midtown bar. She ended up being 45 minutes late. I got there before she did. I called when she was 5 minutes late...She said she would be there in 20 minutes. So, 20 minutes came and went and still no appearance and still no call back. I called again when she was 40 minutes late and got her voicemail. I said on the voicemail...that I was leaving after I finished my drink. By this time, I just finished my third drink and beckoned the bartender to close my tab. As I'm getting up from my stool, I look up and this goddess (28, Jamaican, long hair, awesome body...just how I like 'em) walked through door. She apologized profusely for being late but I told her that it was o.k because she made it before I left. The date went well after that and even ended in a 30-minute good night kiss (raises right hand...no lie). I'm thinking "we have liftoff." lol.

Remember: first date.

Or so I thought. On the Tuesday after, I called her and she sounds like sheeet! I'm like are you alright...she says something to the effect that the heat (she was referring to the recent heatwave) was bothering her. I told her if she continued to feel this bad she should go to the doctor. The next day, I call her back and she still sounds horrible and says that she's going to the doctor on Friday, if she still feels this way. I call her on Friday and she says that the doctors don't know what's wrong with her. I call her on Saturday and she says she's at the hospital and they are going to admit her. I'm thinking one of two things: either something is really wrong with her or this is an elaborate way to blow me off. So, before hanging up I said I don't want to be a pain and keep calling...so just call me when you get better. So, a week goes by and I don't hear from her (hence the reason I felt she was blowing me off). 8 days...still nothing. 9 days...still nothing. On the 10th day, I call her one final time. To my surprise, she answered the phone. I was getting ready to speak to the voicemail and she picked up on the ring just before it would come on. I ask what the hell happened to her and why she never called back. She said she had some type of lung infection and she was in the hospital for a while. Mind you. She never told me what hospital when I asked...so I couldn't send flowers or even go visit. She was like I thought you didn't care anymore so I didn't call you back. (cuts the music off). So, we had a misunderstanding and the phone call ended kind of awkwardly.

Remember: first date.

After hanging up the phone, I make one more effort to save this by sending her the following e-mail:

"I'm really glad to hear that you are o.k. I really do want to see you again (we had a really good first date) and I would hate for a little misunderstanding to break us apart. But if you're not feeling it. Just say so and I'll never contact you again. I'm not the type of guy to hound a female that doesn't want to be bothered with me. I'll be in NYC probably Friday night and/or Sunday (afternoon/night). Once again, I want to see you."

Her response two minutes later:
"I thought about you while I was in the hospital, and I was really disappointed that even after I sent you the text message that I was there, you never even bothered to respond. It's not as if I don't want to be bothered with you. It's just that my experience was very painful, and if I went through it alone, then now that I'm better, I can also do it alone. A lot has happened since I went into the hospital on June 12; as I even lost my job. I'm just going through a phase where I need to focus on me, and where I go from here. I do wish you all the best however."

Although, I'm not accepting any responsibility for her getting sick and losing her job, I still felt like sheeet after reading that. I don't remember seeing that text she said she sent from the hospital. But after I called for like three straight days the least she could have done was pick up the phone and call me back when she got out the hospital especially since she said she was thinking about me while in the hospital. I wasn't her man. I wasn't even a distant relative. I knew her for all of three hours. I think I went above and beyond the call of duty for a guy she just met. So, I'm not sure what level of expectation she was assuming after only ONE DATE?