The Valentine's Day Dilemma

The "V-Day" dilemma or "D-Day" for dreaded (lol) has already occurred.

Most of us passed, some of us failed and others got incompletes. I logged an N/A (non-applicable) as I'm not on the market for a girlfriend/boo/wife/or even a Mz. Right Now...ANYTIME SOON. The forecast says January 2010 but that's the early projection.

Quite frankly, it is a hard test to complete, never mind get a passing score, especially when the graders are women. Ya'll can be brutal sometimes and I'm feeling bad for a friend after what turned into a "Valentine's Day massacre". I think that's a bit extreme but that's the point of view the women were telling.

So...here's the story.

My male friend throws a political fundraiser around a theme "Put a ring on it", which is an obvious play off of Beyonce's popular song "Single Ladies". The cost to attend his fundraiser was only $10 (men and women paid).

Here were the rules for the night.

1. Every person gets 3 rings when you enter the party

2. If you see someone you like...then you give him/her a ring

3. The person being offered the ring can accept, deny or give you a ring in return

4. Once you give out all your rings you CANNOT talk to anyone else unless someone comes up to you to give you a ring.

5. The only way an individual can talk to someone else is to have at least one ring in his/her possession.

Now...I loved the idea and that was the main reason I attended his fundraiser. I didn't give out any rings, not that I wasn't feeling anyone at the party, I was...but I had my own mini dilemma. I met two women at the same time (they were friends). I thought one was incredible hot and the other looked good too but I just thought the first woman looked better. Oh the questions circulating my mind that night. Should I give her a ring (the hot one)? Or should I go a step further and get the number too? I didn't make a move because I wasn't 100 percent sure if her girlfriend thought I was legit. Now, we all know the girlfriend has to approve or it is an uphill battle. I wasn't in the mood to sweat too much on "V-day" or some might say "D-day." Now, don't get me wrong, I had a friendly conversation with both at the same time but something told me not to make a move and I didn't. If I see her again, which is possible, because we have a mutual friend, then I might say something under different circumstances.

Now apparently very few men made a move or even a strong impression on the women because the complaints started filling up my friend's inbox. The biggest complaint was there weren't enough men at the event. It was like 2-1 females to males. Now, my friend isn't a matchmaker nor did he ever profess to be one. He said he reached out to his male friends to come out on V-Day/D-Day. I was there and I got there around 10 p.m. when the event started. I left at 2 a.m. but the party was still going when I left. Nevertheless, it was a fundraiser...that only cost $10. So, I'm not sure how high the expectations from the women were...but it sounded like they were pretty high. My take on the situation was this: it was a cheap, fun night to mingle with some black professionals. The fact that it occurred on Valentine's Day was irrelevant to me (as I already explained above because I'm not on the market). I guess not for the women.

So, I got this take from another mutual female friend that wasn't at the party.

"Honestly, I don't feel that the event was appropriate for a political fundraiser. Furthermore, he kind of put himself out there because when he announced the event, he assured the women that there would be a close to equal ratio of men. He is dealing with women who are fast approaching an age where they want to settle down. These women came out to yeah, support him, and in the process probably meet someone. He may not have caught so much slack if it wasn't on V-Day. As for men, you never go out. I have gone to plenty of events and I feel like I am in a lesbian showcase because there are sooooo many women and a sliver of males. Men are cheap. They don't feel they need to go out and pay to meet a good woman. I guess they figure all they need is to put out that fisherman's net and they will catch a few. How I wish it were that simple."

My friend sent out an apology e-mail that contained the following:

"To the women that attended the event, I understand the ratio of women to men was severely disproportionate and I assure you that I reached out to fraternity members, male civic groups and countless friends during the event's promotion. Since I am not a party promoter and these events are only utilized to fund my campaign, if you attended the fundraiser and were not satisfied due to the lack of men at the event, please send me an email and you will receive a complimentary ticket to my next fundraiser, which will be a Gospel Concert.''

I'm going to let the ladies in on a little secret. Most single, black, men treat Valentine's Day like it is the plague. Now, I'm the exception because the day didn't affect me as I went out myself (with no expectations) because my crew wasn't feeling the day. The place he picked had the right vibe. The drinks were moderately priced. The DJ did a good job. Overall, it was great event and I'm glad I attended even though I came home empty handed. So, instead of complaining about the lack of men, the women should have applauded the men that DID show up. It is probably the worst day of the year to go out and meet a single, black man because most are in hiding. lol. The women should have smiled more or even come over and said hello "without their entourage." It doesn't hurt to step outside your comfort zone sometimes especially in a non-threatening environment.