The wedding question

I attended the wedding of a high school friend on Saturday, June 25. She was getting married and of course I bumped into some old friends back from the neighborhood.

We started talking about how our lives have changed (they are all married now). I was the only single man in the group.

So naturally, the "wedding question" came up.

"So when are we going to see your wedding?"

I smiled, then laughed and gave the most honest answer I could.

"Well, I would first need a girlfriend and then eventually make her my fiance before there could be any wedding. Since I'm single and not dating anyone right now, I'll have to start at square one. Trust me, when or if I get married, you'll be the first to know."

I put a little emphasis on the "if I get married" part to give a subtle hint that I didn't want to continue down this line of questioning. At least not at my high school friends' wedding, I didn't think that was the appropriate place to have this discussion.

Now...this is why I hate going to weddings solo and especially if I am single, like I am now. If I were in a relationship and my girlfriend was with me at the wedding, we could say soon. Even if she wasn't there, I could jokingly blame it on her having cold feet.

Maybe, I am too sensitive about this question.

So far, there has only been one woman I was going to propose to (she knows who she is...so I'm not going to put her on blast) but that never happened for various reasons.

In some slight way, I've compared every woman I've dated since that time to her. There have been a few possibilities but none strong enough for me to actually buy a ring and I've told everyone that would listen to me if I get married, I'm only doing it once. So, I have to get it right.

So, I have very little margin for error.

Lately, I've met and been attracted to some amazing women that looked good on paper (well-educated, career focused, homeowners, drove great cars, have $$$ in the bank, etc)...all the materialistic things in order. But materialistic things have never motivated or impressed me.

I want someone that is compatible with the way I think about life (how to earn, spend and save $$$, someone that wants to get married and believes marriage is a partnership, someone that wants kids and will agree with me on how to raise them, someone that believes that you never forget your friends, someone that isn't selfish, obnoxious or stingy, someone that is truly looking for a life partner...etc. I'm looking for the intangibles that make a woman stand out from the crowd and not something that you can brag about on a resume, deed, bank statement or any other piece of paper.

Which got me thinking. I've lived 27 of my 31 years on this earth in the Northeast part of the United States and the first four years of my life in Jamaica. It might be time to move (not necessarily for love) but just a fresh start as I'm just starting out in my 30s. I would love to live some place warmer, some place where the cost of living is much lower and some place where there are tons of single, beautiful, successful black women that want to meet a single black man. I would be willing to compromise on the weather part and maybe the cost of living part if there are tons of single, beautiful, successful black women that lived there.

I've narrowed down a few places and will check out the logistics soon. So hopefully the next time I talk about weddings, I'll have an answer to "the wedding question."