I am patient when it comes to dating the female species but I also have a limit.
My limit is three.
Yes.
I will expend brain cells on a maximum of three dates with a woman before I make that executive decision on whether we have potential beyond friends. Honestly, I have enough female friends but I'm not exactly looking for wifey just yet. I guess that leaves Ms. Right Now and it became painfully obvious that my date on Saturday will not be filling out an application for Ms. Right Now.
Of course, I wouldn't be writing about this now...if I didn't have a personal anecdote (please be patient...i have to get through the lesson first).
O.K...the magic number is three.
The first date is the easiest. Guy likes girl. Guy asks girl out on a date. Girl accepts. Guy picks up girl for date. Guy pays. Guy is a complete gentleman and leaves a good impression. That's the general screenplay from my perspective. Since a man always pays on the first date, I always pick something that I enjoy doing.
Period.
So, if the date is a complete disaster, I will at least enjoy myself and what I paid for that time.
The degree of difficulty increases with each date so the second date is the one that I roll the dice on. I always ask a female to pick something that she enjoys for the second date. Even if I hate whatever activity she picks, I don't let it be known. I don't slam on the emergency brake because I want to see how a woman handles being in the driver's seat. I also want to see her mediation skills because I can get straight funky sometimes. She can score major points if she can get me to like something that I hate or if she can get me to do something that I don't normally do.
Ahh...the third date (a.k.a. the 50-50 test) is the final exam. I ask you to pick something that you want to do and I pick something that I want to do. Basically, we combine the activities of dates one and two. I ask plenty of questions on this date and I want to know a woman's philosophy on a number of topics. It is not exactly 20 questions or being on the witness stand but I have to know what's popping in a female's head.
I guess I have to fill in the blanks now?
Date 1: We went to the movies to see Four Brothers and we had dinner at TGI Friday's.
Date 2: We went to the beach and had lunch afterwards.
Date 3: We went to the movies. We didn't get there in time to see the movie she wanted to see (Flight Plan) so I made my first executive decision of the night and picked another movie (Just Like Heaven). I had never heard of it before tonight but it turned out to be a decent romantic comedy.
It was raining (heavy at times) and we shared her umbrella walking into the movies and back to my car. I thought that was cute and a foreshadowing of good things to come.
My part of the third date was dancing at a nightclub. I hadn't gone dancing in such a long time and I thought this would be a good chance to see if we have some chemistry on the dance floor. I was born in Jamaica and I LOVE TO DANCE (especially to reggae music). I can say with complete sincerity that there is nothing sexier than a woman that can dance.
Period.
We are in the car driving to the club and I put her on the witness stand.
Me: What type of music don't you like?
Her: Reggae music. I also can't stand Sean Paul.
Analysis: Christ. New Jersey we have a problem. Not only does she hate the music of my country of orgin but she also despies Mr. Sean Paul, the prince of reggae, and someone that I love.
STRIKE ONE...
Me: Am I going to have a hard time getting you on the dance floor?
Her: Well, I can be a bit of a wallflower. I'll get out there and dance at some point but I don't want to sweat at all.
Analysis: Jesus Christ. New Jersey we have two problems. She's shy when it comes to dancing and she'll be a terrible student because she's not willing to sweat a little for me to teach her.
STRIKE TWO...
I pulled the plug on the questions because I was hemoraging (badly). I wasn't in need of a blood transfusion just yet but I felt my pulse was getting close to a flat line.
Shit.
I felt like I was taping an episode of Blind Date that was headed for the Hall of Shame.
We get to the club and she likes the decor of the spot.
Good.
After I finished my drink (she didn't want one), I say let's go dance. She says sure. We get out there and I can tell she hasn't been on a dance floor in ages. I couldn't even translate into words some of the moves she was making. While I'm dancing with her, these two white girls keep bumping into me and one of them is eyeing me. I ignore their advances and pull her closer to me.
She stays close to me for a while and then starts to drift away. She was dancing so far away from me at times that two people could pass in between us walking side-by-side.
I ABSOLUTELY HATE THAT.
I could have been gangsta and hollered at the white girls right then and there. I didn't though, I'm a glutten for punishment. We left the club early and I'm driving again.
In our final conversations, she reveals some more stuff I wish I knew before hand.
STRIKE THREE...
So, what's your limit?
15 comments:
My limit is about two or three...unless he is REALLY foine. Then I dont even notice anything is wrong until about number fifteen...LOL
Ok... Sherlon...aka...Dr. Date
I'm going with two, three if for the tie break.
Most of the time I can tell in two dates if I'm headed in a good direction with a woman.
Hmm. I haven't figured out my limit yet -- just starting to dip my toe back out in the dating world. But I do know this: if you aren't looking for THE ONE yet, then it sounds like you're looking to just have fun. And if that's the case, then don't put so much anything on any of these young ladies that you take out. Because otherwise, what's the point? Find someone who has all the qualities you're looking for just to fuck her over?
Just go out, have fun, be safe.
And then when you're ready to find wifey, then put out there what it is you're looking for and stick to your guns.
wow...folks that actually date...I need to hang out with y'all, LOL....seriously, probably three would be my limit too, even after the first date you can get an idea of what you're dealing with.
Depends.
If the first date sucks, I MIGHT go out with them a second time, IF they're hot and I can somehow justify it (i.e., they were good on the phone, somebody had a bad day, etc). Otherwise, I usually don't.
If the first two dates suck, it's pretty much a wrap.
If the second date is better, we'll go to a third. Best two out of three. If the fourth one sucks, it's a wrap.
If all three are great, clearly he's at least made the rotation and might actually have a chance to solo.
But I'd say it takes no more than three to figure this shit out.
Great post, Christie!
Up until now, I haven't ever been a casual dater. I usually know if I want to continue wasting my time with you or not by the end of the first date. If you can laugh at my jokes, aren't bad looking and have some sort of ambition in life, we might could work things out. So, I think my limit is one - maybe two- dates and a few phone conversations. You've got to be able to keep my attention.
maybe it's just where i live, but it doesn't even seem like guys care to do the date thing anymore..i guess going out on dates are no longer a prerequisite for anything more in this college town...
i am upset with the men folk in this area...
Hmmmm
I don't subscribe to any limits. I am from the 504 and there are NO LIMITS.
But I also don't want to waste my time with someone I can't get down with.
You can have one date or four dates, but they are responsible for their fate.
@chezniki....christ...15 dates...nah homie...I can't justify anything past three
@conscious1...you don't know how frustrated I was on this last date. It was like I was dealing with a force field.
I have very limited "casual dating" experience and I've found my limit to be two.
You know that myth about women knowing whether they would be willing to sleep with you in the first five minutes of meeting you is true. If I'm still thinking "no" after the second date, the guy is seriously in the "platonic friend" zone.
Here's a woman's persepctive: I agree with the this 3 Date Philosophy. I don't think your club date was all that horrible, because it's necessary to keep in mind you selected something you enjoyed and not something you mutually enjoyed. Thus, you were both uncomfortable so it's no surprise you hated it. I think the White Girl comment could have been toned down a bit - I think you could have said you were unattracted to them as opposed to "I don't like 'em" yet, it was a good move to pull her closer to you. She probably walked off 'cause she didn't like the music. I'm learning that people don't change much or have that "open" of a mind as they age. So to get someone to like something they normally don't is more work than necessary. Imagine if you went to a techno club where she was the dance queen and you were the wall flower. She would have thought the date sucked. Yet, I think your system is fair. Personally, I think 3 dates should let you know if you are interested further. It shouldn't necessarily be a "executive decision" if you still don't have enough info. to go on. Overall, dating is more complicated these days because people aren't necessarily themselves until much later in the dating process. Initially, they are just "going with the flow" to impress you or vice versa. In my life, I try to decide things by the 3rd date but I may go on more dates if I need to figure out more information about the guy.
I have questions I ask on either the first or second date... they let me know whether this is long term or a quick fling...
My limit is however many dates it takes for him to piss me off. Seriously, I know after date No. 1 if I want to continue seeing him--that's the season premiere. The next two episodes set the tone for a renewal or a cancellation. But I will say I've had just about enough of this season's hiatus.
My limit is however long it takes him to show his true colors. Could be as little as one or as many as five. It usually doesn't take that long. I know what I like and if you ain't it, I'll let you know it. No sweating?!?!?!? Why dance? Ugh. You shoulda dropped her off before you even got to the club.
thanks for your input
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