O.K...so I'm subleting from my roommate Ray. His name is on the lease. I pay him and he pays the landlord. Overall, Ray is not a bad person but he just does some stuff that gets on my #$%^ nerves. So, Ray this blast is for you!
Ray says let there be light - O.k..dude leaves the lights on in the apartment 24/7/365. The living room light is always on. The bathroom light is always on. The kitchen light is always on. Basically, if a light socket exists Ray has already flipped the switch. One day, I hope the bulbs in all the lights blow out in a domino-like way. I hope that is the same day we don't have any spare bulbs and every store in this town is out too. I hope the landlord comes one day and ties the energy abuser up like a cattle at a rodeo and ships his ass off to a third-world country. Maybe, he'll understand how good he had it.
Ray is a slob - He doesn't clean (o.k...he'll wash dishes and take out the trash every now and then) but dude is allergic to a sponge, mop, duster or any cleaning utensil every made. If the microwave or toaster needs cleaning...Ray ain't doing it. Ditto for the kitchen floor and anything to do with the bathroom. If I really made a stink about it...I'm sure dude would produce a doctor's note saying he should be excused from cleaning. He would probably do a half-ass job anyways, so mabye it better I do it and get it done right.
Ray has a smart mouth - Ray thinks he's the shit because he ALWAYS buys Tropicana and sometimes I'll go with the store brand. He's really on some elitist shit over some orange juice. I swear dude ragged on me for like an hour when I recently bought the store brand the other day. I love Tropicana but when the price creeps over the $3.00 mark...O.J. ain't that serious. He also goes on tangents on some other stuff that I do but I thought the O.J. thing was the most ridiculous.
If you've ever had a roommate, I'm curious to see what stuff did they do that absolutely drove you nuts.
11 comments:
I can't live with a slob. I did that last year, and my mother was afraid I would call home asking for bail money because I'd been charged with attempted murder.
No really. It was serious.
I have to agree with Ray on the orange juice tip. I'm an OJ elitist too, though I prefer Minute Maid over Tropicana. But that's just me.
As for the lights, tell Ray he is an energy hog and that's not cool. Quit sucking up all the electricity and the bill will be cheaper. (Duh.)
In high school I had to wear earphones to go to bed because my roommate had people over watching Family Guy four nights a week. I didn't complain because I'm non-confrontational, and I listen to music to go to bed anyway. This guy was actually hella funny and not an @ss at all, spoiled but not an @ss.
My freshman year in college I had a roommate who always had to be cold or in his words "have air" this boy insisted on having the window up 24-7 even as fall turned to winter, I told him to cut the air on instead of leaving windows up. Atleast then we could control the temp. Yobe brought a fan put it on his bed, which he left on 24-7/. The fan was positioned in a way so that air blew on my back as I sat at my desk, which pissed me off, this is not Anartica.
He would eat my stuff, drink my milk, and wouldn't have the courtesy to offer to buy more until he didn't see me doing so.
He left the door open so he could stare down the hall, see people, follow them, and make friends. I am so not kidding. It got to the point where if we knew the same people they would meet me elsewhere so we didn't have to take old dude along.
I did get rid of dude by cursing him out two times, one of which was on a Sunday night, father forgive me. And we all know we are recovering cursers, but when we hit someone up on a Sunday it's for a good reason. I told him not to make me go "Baltimore on him" and the rest as they say as history.
In the five years I've been away from home I've had three roommates, and three singles.
I had a roomate while living in NYC and she was the elitist chick you ever met. She was the same as your roomate. Her name was on the lease so I paid her and she paid the landlord.
So chick one day went to the fridge and opened up a bottle of soda and it bursted out spilling onto the kitchen floor.
Knowing she hired a cleaning service to come into "OUR" apartment to clean around the spaces she didn't have a mop handy to clean the floor.
I would have bent down on both my knees and grabbed a sponge and cleaned the floor but she decided that because she had the use of a cleaning service it was that much of a big deal to clean the mess. It was the beginning of the month and the maids came in on the last thursday of every freakin month!!!
She was not kidding about not cleaning her mess. She was too pretty to get on all fours to clean and have to subject herself to cleaning her mess. So we: her, myself, and the other roomate all walked around this sticky, orange, nasty mess for four weeks. All you heared was that sticky sound under our slippers for the entire month.
YUCK!!! She had the nereve one time during this incident to walk up towards my room and try to enter with her sticky slippers. I quickly told her to stop and reverse. I always had to take off my slippers before entering my own room so I wouldn't track the crap in. It was a ridculous mess.
So I understand where you're coming from with this horror.
umm...more hateration i see. lol...jk, hope you get the sit-i-ation resolved.
ha ha .. first i had a roommate who used to take dumps and leave the bathroom door wide open!
i had one who was a clean freak and would pass out if you left a fork in the sink for more than 2 mins
and i had a roommate who hated for me to wash clothes at night saying it would disturb him, but did not mind having company over and disturbing me AT NIGHT!
worst roommate i had was in college. five of us lived in a house, and this one particular rommate did the following:
- she moved in her boyfriend on the sneak. one night turned into two, turned into homey coming with all his stuff. WTF? and he was living rent free. or rather, she was living rent free because he was paying HER rent. our fault for not insisting they both pay rent.
- her and the boyfriend would cook macaroni and cheese and then LEAVE THAT SHIT OUT. so the kitchen would smell like the inside of somebody's ass.
- our downstairs toilet broke and the boyfriend "fixed it." then we got the water bill - $800! thanks a lot tim 'the toolman' taylor.
- the boyfriend was studying to be a parole officer. kept a loaded gun in the house. thanks for telling us, dipshit.
- the boyfriend worked at denny's and our roommate the nerve to say we should tip him. uh, yo tip went to the water bill.
Ray seems tame compared to the horror stories ya'll have posted...keep them coming!
Roommates... where do I begin? How about junior year of college when our apartment became so infested that we had to get it fumigated because one of the roommates was using her room as a trash can/garbage disposal/sink/sewer/endless pit of filth. Or senior year when boyfriend becomes a fourth roommate and I'm being lulled to sleep by sounds of rough sex. And that same boyfriend, in a jealous rage, kicks out one of the apartment windows. Or wakes you up at 4 a.m., asking where your roommate/his girlfriend is. Or silently threatens you with bodily harm.
oh my @ VaRattler
Keep up the good work »
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